kristin-tin-tin (chasing_her) wrote,

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here i am

i think that cliche phrase my mother taught me to live by is so true. you know, that whole "the only thing/ person you can ever depend on is yourself."

i sleep, eat & work. this is it, this is all. i'm almost sure that if i wasn't working, i'd never be awake. i've pretty much shut everyone and everything out of my life, other than mentioned above. i'll even be honest and say i've quit taking my zoloft. (my mother would kill me if she knew)

everyone calls, and i'm either sleeping or hitting the "silence" button. i just have nothing to say. nothing to hear. my best friend in the whole wide world, my mom, yeah, i even ignore her. no one should take it personal. it's nothing to do with them, and everything to do with me. this is all about me.. i try to tell them, but i guess they don't hear me.

i keep saying, "i'll come back around, sure" but i don't see this happening. in fact, i see quite the opposite. i see myself sinking further and further, and coming to face the facts- the further i let myself sink, the harder it'll be to tread water.

today, in some eyes, i'm a fuck-up, a dissapoint, a heartbreak and much more...

personally, this bothers me. personally, i'm tired of this. personally, i'm ready to be back to good.

so today, well, i'm going to do something about it. sleeping all the damn time isn't solving anything. i can't keep waiting for my life to get better, but life is waiting for ME to get better, and it all starts with just that- me.

so, step one is waking my ass up. tonight should be tiring and an early night, seeing as how i went to bed at 6 something this morning & was up by 11 30am.

*fingers crossed*
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